cognitivism | ➵IC Contact

Of course. I'll leave the door unlocked. Would you like something to drink? Tea or coffee?

Coffee would be fine, thank you.

Of course. I will see you soon.

[ I'll leave the door unlocked.

Haru faces the door to the apartment, fully aware the door has been left open for her, but unable to budge from her spot. In fact, she's been standing out there for three minutes now, her chest feeling as if it's been caught in a vice. There's the half of her that wants to move through the door, feeling a bit chilly out here in fall weather with only a light coat and scarf on, but the other half of her isn't ready yet.

She hasn't thought through what she wants to say to Goro, what she needs to say. Anything she might have had in mind is long forgotten, a lump in her throat and head feeling heavy, clouded with other ideas and concerns.

When a car drives by, engine revving loudly down the street, she snaps out of her daze. Haru finally proceeds to move toward the door, lifting a small fist and rapping lightly. Even if the door is unlocked, it's not her apartment and the intrusion would be unwarranted in any other scenario.

So she waits, stepping back from the door, hands falling to her sides. ]

[ Honestly he's not surprised. They weren't close to each other, he shouldn't have expected her to just walk in. He rubs his face, staring at the kettle on the stove. He's had time to consider what this talk would be, time to think about his mistakes, the past, and nothing excuses him for his actions. Goro knows that. The longer he's here, the more he's certain that nothing is waiting for him back home.

He died.

And that thought was constantly heavy on his mind. He was dead, he didn't escape from his father's cognitive palace - he would never get the second chance he has now. He takes a deep breath, before he dries off his hands on a towel and makes his way to the door.

He hesitates at the door, hand reaching for the handle and stopping short wondering how he was going to greet her. He's already floundering and they haven't spoken face to face yet. His hesitation passes, thankfully, and he opens the door, offering a weak smile. ]

Come in. [ He steps away from the door. ] I apologize, I didn't steep the coffee well enough the first time. I'll have coffee ready shortly.

[ Her cold nose and ears are suddenly feeling very warm when Goro appears before her in the doorway. Startling a little, Haru's shoulders settle quickly back into place and she nods, trying to ignore the loud thrumming in her heart.

Somehow, hearing the word "coffee" puts her stomach in knots. She can't pinpoint what it is making her uneasy as she steps through the door. ]

That's okay. Um, thank you.

[ Is it Goro himself? Is it something else?

So wrapped up in her thoughts, she doesn't realize she's been standing in the hall until she looks down at her feet and sees her Chelsea boots still on. ]

Oh. Is there a place I can put my coat?

[ He is struggling to make eye contact, struggling to be pleasant, to keep up the façade that he's detached enough to deal with this. This was fine. ]

Oh. Here. Allow me to take that for you.

[ He offers his arm to take her coat. It's the least he can do -- isn't it? Every time he so much as glances at her he finds his chest tightening, his breathing shuddering when he's trying to keep up appearances.

He should have seen if Akira could be here. Maybe he wouldn't feel as... terrified of the consequences. ]

[ Haru instinctively inches from Goro when his arm rises, but she attempts to cover it up by sliding the coat off her shoulders, neatly folding it in and handing it over to him. She doesn't know if he's noticed, but if he did, she panics internally over it.

She's trying to make peace with him, despite it having taken so long to get there.

But it's been a difficult path to navigate. Even with Shido defeated back home, the second she had arrived here and discovered Goro accepted again into the Phantom Thieves, with Akira, it had partially felt like a slap in the face.

Perhaps he truly is sorry. He seems remorseful enough and she's seen him try to better himself by being involved in important imPort matters... Akira would have never allowed his would be murderer into the group if he hasn't had his own change of heart.

She winces, unable to comprehend why she's fallen back to that line of thinking after all this time. ]

Thank you. [ A beat. ] Do you need help preparing the coffee?

[ He notices, but is smart enough to say nothing. He gingerly takes her coat, before moving to hang it in the closet by the front door. This he could focus on. Polite, distant, being a gentleman -- something more then his invasive thoughts of what was going to happen next.

Her offer to help with coffee pulled him back. ]

That would be nice, actually. You'd think I'd be better at it by now, but I just can't seem to get it right.

[ He motions her to follow him to the kitchen. ]

[ She follows him, not too closely, curiously glancing around the apartment to see if Akira or Goro have added anything new to it since she last visited.

Her throat is dry, itching to say something at this point, to stop beating around the bush, but...

She can't. The fear that once it comes out, she won't be able to stop herself. It's unlike her to feel she might lost control. Having something to shift her focus on helps marginally. ]

Coffee can be tricky. I know I burnt my roast the first couple of times ever.

Akira seems to have it down to a science, doesn't he?

[ There's a fondness in his voice. Goro stopped trying to hide it since Akira returned from being ported out. He steps into the kitchen, removing the kettle off the stove when he notices that it's steaming. He settles the french press and the kettle on the table, then returns to the cabinet to pull down some coffee mugs. ]

Do you take cream or sugar?

He learned from Sakura-san, one of the best after all. I guess Akira-kun is out somewhere?

[ It isn't hard to pick up on the way he speaks about Akira. It does genuinely make her happy Akira has found someone who makes him happy, but she has to wonder what sort of hoops and obstacles he went through to get to here with Goro.

She can try to imagine all the conversations they had, knowing she won't ever fully know what led them to this point.

That's probably for the best. Haru is more focused on herself and Goro. There's still the elephant in the room neither have attempted to bring up yet. ]

Cream for me, thanks.

He is.

[ Where, he has no idea. Since Futaba opened up Leblanc he can only guess. He sets the creme on the table, and motions for her to sit. At least this way it won't be too awkward. He double checks the measurement of the ground coffee before he pours the water into the press. ]

So. [ He starts, taking a deep breath as he folds his hands on the table. ] What did you want to ask me?

[ He's regretting this already. ]

[ Her heart begins to pound uncomfortably harder and faster when he poses his question. Haru thought she could buy some time before slowly easing into the topic, but Goro's gone straight ahead with it.

She tears her eyes off him, fixating on the press instead and watching the water pour out. She allows the noise to fill the air between them on this quiet morning, struggling to find the words for a moment. It's much harder with her tongue flopping uselessly in her mouth, the lump in her throat much bigger than before, and her stomach acting up.

She feels dizzy. ]

I wanted...

[ It's gnawed at her for months. Call it morbid curiosity, but she asks herself: doesn't she deserve to hear it directly from his mouth? She doesn't know if it'll provide a proper sense of closure again, but she has to try. If not for her father's sake, for her own. ]

... I wanted to ask about my father.

[ He's silent. Not sure how to respond at first, the tension rising quickly as he thinks about Kunikazu Okumura. He was a businessman. He wanted political power. Neither of these things were to result in a death sentence but -- here they were. He slowly exhales, finding himself staring at his fingers.

What could she possibly want to know? What could he tell her that wasn't already known?

He chews on his lip, trying his best not to sound defensive. ]

What do you want to know?

[ She finds herself back at Destinyland, celebrating with the other Thieves and having newfound fun she hasn't had in literal years. It was beyond freeing and rewarding; she felt like she was finally the person she was meant to be.

And there are then, watching the press conference with the CEO of Okumura Foods. Everything is running smoothly, her father, guilted by his abhorrent actions and attitudes, on the verge of revealing the truth.

A truth that would have taken Goro down as well.

Then all Haru can remember is watching her father's body begin to seizure, his eyes rolling back into his head and the painful cries loud enough for her to hear through their phones. It's sickening... the most horrifying thing she's ever witnessed in her entire life. Black ooze like blood running from his eyes and mouth, his lifeless staring into the camera before he collapses.

Haru remembers her heart plummeting into her stomach, like time had gone so still. None of it felt real at the time. ]

... he didn't suffer in the cognitive world, did he? Not like... [ What happened to him in the real world. ] Did he say anything before he...

[ He remembers watching the press conference, feeling smug, ready for the next step in taking down the Phantom Thieves to show his father that he was capable. He can never forget the violent nature of Kunikazu's demise on live television, the convulsing, the black ooze -- the final lifeless collapse on to the conference table. He couldn't sleep for a week after that. He shudders at the moment, covering his mouth for a moment to regain his thoughts. ]

No. [ He says quietly. ] He didn't suffer. He was shot twice. Once in the chest, once in the head and his shadow was dispatched.

[ He feels just as detached from it as he did when it happened and he hates himself for it. ]

His last words were "My Utopia". Nothing more.

[ He frowns, unable to lift his head to look at her. It was calculating, pulling the trigger, letting him die in his palace. And it was easy to do. Thinking he was doing the right thing by following Shido's plan so he can finally prove to the world what a piece of trash his father was.

He wishes things were different. ]

[ There's probably no other way this conversation could have gone the way Haru wanted. As Goro recounts the details of what transpired leading up to her father's death, she's absolutely floored by the realization that any answer from him would have still left her feeling as empty as she does now.

She stares back at him with heavy disbelief, initially unable to process those violent details. Her father didn't die peacefully at all as she had naively hoped; it was miserable and painful all the way until the end.

But that's not what guts her.

"My Utopia."

It repeats over and over in her head. It's like a sharp knife digging into an already open, searing wound. It leaves her body trembling a little, unable to look Goro in the eye. ]

Father didn't even...

[ She can't finish it. It's such a selfish thought, knowing that that was his cognitive self in the Palace, but...

God, it feels as if her chest might burst any second. ]

[ He doesn't know what to do or what to say. Her father lost sight of what mattered, put his ambitions before his daughter, his goals aligning only to make himself look better -- but he couldn't say that. The words die on his tongue when he finally looks up at her.

This was worse. The hallow feeling in his chest just knowing what sort of pain he's caused.

He always knew, but seeing it put his actions into perspective. ]

I know it's not enough, but I'm sorry.

[ With her thoughts racing back and forth in her mind, it's impossible for Haru to think clearly. There's a loud buzzing in her ears, too, drowning out anything else Goro says after his apology. The buzzing is deafening enough that she doesn't hear the shuffling of her own feet as she suddenly moves toward Goro.

There are too many emotions for her to process. Grief, anger, pain... each of them striking her sharply like lightning, each of them stirring a fury she hasn't felt in so long, not since Milady fully awakened, maybe.

The last time she felt this way was at Baphomet's concert, but that had wrought relief.

She doesn't feel anything like that now, just a righteous, hot fury.

Goro's apology is almost like another stab in the heart. It doesn't mean anything, not when he's said nothing to her up until now, not with her mind and heart elsewhere.

Haru doesn't know how she ended up on the other side of the counter in front of Goro, but once she's there, it's reactionary all the way out. She lifts her hand and aims for the side of his face, striking him in the heat of the moment. ]

[ It's exactly when sound returns, the echo of the slap pulling her back to reality, back to her senses.

Haru immediately backs up, covering her mouth in horror. Her face grows red with shame, staring wide-eyed at Goro. ]

I-I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!

H-haru?

[ He stares up at her, slowly lifting his hand to his face. She -- he's never seen her so angry before (even when he showed his hand he didn't see the same fire in her eyes). He doesn't know how to respond, confusion and understanding written on his face before he rubs his cheek. ]

Don't-

Don't be sorry. Why should you be sorry? My actions have caused you so much pain -- I can't imagine what you are going through.

[ He wonders if that would be a lie. He understands the pain on the surface level. He found his mother dead, after all -- but it's not the same. It's not the same pain. His mother never cared. At on point in time, her father did. ]

[ She backs away a few more steps, completely mortified by her own outburst. She didn't think she was capable of that, but...

It doesn't feel good at all. It doesn't feel like her at all. ]

I—I shouldn't have done that. [ There's never a reason to act out violently, she tells herself.

Despite Goro fully admitting how much he's hurt her.

She begins to tremble again, tears pricking the corner of her eyes. She raises her hand again, this time to wipe at them quickly. ] I'm sorry— I shouldn't have come here. This was a mistake.

I don't know what I was thinking.

[ He stands, keeping his distance, but he stands quickly. ]

It's fine.

[ He knows it's not fine. ]

You were looking for closure -- I can understand that. Let me-- [ He sighs. ]

Let me get your coat. I'm sorry I've made things worse.

[ This was going to eat him alive later. ]

I-It's fine, I can show myself out.

[ She needs the floor to open up and swallow her whole, feeling horrible for having pushed this in the first place.

What should she have expected?

Haru moves quickly, wrapping herself in her arms. ]

... I'm sorry. [ She keeps repeating, unable to look at Goro too long. ] Thank you for the... the coffee.

[ Which has now gone to waste. She winces at the thought and collects her coat, barely getting it on and her shoes before she hurries out the door. ]

Goodbye.

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