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[cognitivism]

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text; some stupid hour he should be asleep

[lempereur]

Do you remember dying?

text;

[cognitivism]

No. I'm not sure if I am dead. I believe I am.

But I do remember the moments leading up to my "death" vividly.

[lempereur]

Clearly, you are not dead now.

But you were.

I think I was.

It felt real

Yet, here I am.

[cognitivism]

Was it real? Even I'm not sure but you know for certain if you go back home? You will be alive.

What was it like dying?

[lempereur]

I cannot make a life here if I am worrying about another world. This is home now, whether we like it or not.

The first time it was quick and fiery, the second time it was slow. I could feel it coming, there was nothing I could do.

[cognitivism]

I'm not saying that you have to worry about another world. I'm saying that if you manage to go back, you will not remember dying here. You could cope with it like a dream, pretending it never happened.

Or you seek help. You find someone you can talk to about death. It's not easy. I don't sleep much any more because of it. I still can smell the gunpowder -- hear the shots when I close my eyes.

[lempereur]

I can't pretend it never happened.

That is why I am talking to you. I don't where where else to go.

[cognitivism]

Then you find help.

I'm not sure I can help you, Yusuke. The path to coping isn't easy and you need to come to terms with your death.

I still haven't come to terms with mine.

[lempereur]

You're right.

I am sorry for bothering you.

[cognitivism]

I'm not sure what to tell you. Death is difficult to cope with.

I don't sleep. I don't eat. I'm still trying to figure out if the hobbies I had were ones I actually enjoyed, or simply talking points where I could relate to my adult peers.

You aren't bothering me, Yusuke. I'm happy to listen, but I am afraid I am not qualified to help.

[lempereur]

I did not eat or sleep much, before.

Are you seeking help, yourself?

[cognitivism]

I am trying. I just moved and I haven't found an imPort friendly psychologist yet.

I may call my departments EAP. They may be able to steer me in the right direction.

[lempereur]

The imPort community has a few among us.

Adachi would know more about it than I.

[cognitivism]

Some how that doesn't surprise me.

Perhaps you should talk to Adachi? If I find another I will pass their name along to you.

If... you need to just talk about what you are feeling in regards to death, you are more then welcome to talk.

[lempereur]

I spoke with him over text a few days ago. It was cordial enough, but I do not wish to push my luck.

I am not sure...I don't know what this feeling is, or what it should be. Panic, mixed with nausea, mixed with grief?

I suppose I should feel relieved, but I do not.

[cognitivism]

Start there then. Reflect.

Panic is common I hear. Grief... did you watch someone die as well?

[lempereur]

I

yes, obviously

I wasn't talking about that

Yuri was there, he watched me die the second time.

[cognitivism]

I'm sorry. That's a rather traumatic experience.

Is he okay?

[lempereur]

I don't know.

He says he is, but how could he be?