cognitivism | ➵IC Contact

You've done nothing wrong. I understand Yusuke felt threatened, but he always feels threatened these days. He's like a caged animal... You could have approached him with anything and he'd have fought back.

[Aggressive, lashing out, paranoid. Akira saw what his stupid plot was doing to him. He should have never compromised his morals.

There was nothing that could be done for it. Not while Yusuke played like he was a victim in some cruel prank. While he treated Akira as if he had acted maliciously.]

I told him off. We're not speaking, but that is not your fault. I hadn't told him you'd helped me, and he confronted me over it, as wildly irrational as he has been since we got here. I said some things that he didn't want to hear.

[He stared down at his cup of coffee, biting at his lower lip. He was usually the one to remain calm in all situations, but he'd blown up. It was his fault, but he wasn't going to let himself be a punching bag to make up for it.]

Then he needs to be removed from Constellation. If it's causing him to constantly look over his shoulder -- he's like a rabid dog.

[ He taps at his mug again, before taking a long drawn out sip. Rabid dog that needed to be put down was more like it. He stops his train of thought, staring at his coffee contemplating his next response while Akira talked. ]

....I'm not entirely sure what advice to give here. Perhaps space would be best, for both of you. You can't take anything back, but you can move forward.

[ He moves to set his coffee down on the nightstand, resting his hand on Akira's thigh. ]

Do not let this ruin your friendship. I am not worth it.

[ In the end he was a dead man walking. Why was Akira putting so much effort into being his friend? Why was anyone even trying? He still hadn't figured that out, and he didn't blame Yusuke one bit. ]

I agree. I think it's absolutely not something he should be in. Even if it's hard, he cannot stay in Constellation. This idea of infiltration... it isn't going to work. Dooku isn't going to confide in Yusuke, no matter what he does, and it's only a matter of time before he's... asked to kill.

And by then, he won't have an excuse. He'll either be forced to blow his cover by refusing, or he'll have to do it.

[Akira's face twisted in pain as he stopped himself from allowing tears to form at the thought.]

I can't bear thinking of Yusuke being forced to kill. That isn't who he is, but I'm afraid that he would go through with it as he is now.

[His hand went then to grasp at the one that had settled on his thigh, finally able to look up again.]

Goro, I'm not doing a single thing I don't want to do. Not one. Our friendship isn't being ruined over you, but it is being tested over Constellation, over Yusuke's paranoia, and over my patience growing ever thinner.

I'm not entirely blameless. I lost my cool, and I was cruel to him.

And even if it was about you completely, I'd fight for you. He doesn't have to like it or accept it, but it's important to me. You're important to me. [Even if he still hated him somewhere. That feeling was eased for the time being. Funny how that worked.]

That you are given a chance to have what was stolen from you is very important to me.

Then we find him an out. I can talk to Futaba-chan about looking into a way to aid in his escape. We won't let him bloody his hands.

[ He offers him a kind smile, slightly forced and awkward, but it was his attempt. The situation called for it, but smiling isn't necessarily his strong suit when it's supposed to be genuine. It was the you're important to me dripping off Akira's tongue that caught him off guard.

And he squeezes his hand slightly. He said he wasn't ready for a relationship, wanted to find himself first but Akira made him feel alive. Like he wasn't some deranged murderer ready to tear apart the world for revenge, that he wasn't a lost child looking for validation anyway he can.

This wasn't the time to talk about those feelings, his mouth dry as he goes to speak. ]

Cruel or not, perhaps it was something he needed to hear. [ He pauses, licking at his lips. ]

You are... very important to me as well.

[ His heart was racing -- why now? Why when things felt like they were falling apart? ]

[Nothing like crisis to draw you together, right? He felt his chest tighten again as he heard Goro suggesting that they find him an out. Him, Futaba, and Akira together. It was strange, feeling like he was a teammate. He seemed so honestly concerned, Akira couldn't even bring himself to doubt him in the least. Maybe that was dumb of him, but he just didn't care anymore.

So what if Goro killed him in the end? Whatever. He'd rather die than not give him his chance on the off-chance that he wasn't as trustworthy as he was acting. Akira didn't live with regrets, and had gotten no reason to doubt him yet.]

Maybe he needed to hear it. Maybe I was just hurt and lashing out to make sure I wasn't the only one who hurt. I can't say for sure, but I think the only way I can really apologize is to figure out how to pull him from Constellation with as little injury as possible.

Then... I guess it'd be fine. Even if he hates me forever, as long as he's not stuck under that bastard's thumb, I can live with it.

[He paused in his mini-rant then to suck in a breath and wipe at a tear on his cheek before he looked to Goro again.]

...Thanks for this, by the way. It's nice to have someone in your corner. [Sighing, he plastered a smile on his face. No offense to Futaba, and really he didn't blame her, but 'I'm not choosing sides' meant that Akira had felt a little alone on the whole thing. Adachi kind of agreed with him, but in the end Akira had no one to run to when the fight had happened... aside from Goro, he guessed.

Go figure, Yusuke got the cute ice skating boys and Akira got the murderers. Boy.

Surprisingly, he didn't really have any complaints about that. Maybe he should?]

Dooku's weakness will be underestimating his opponents -- just as Shido's was.

[ It made his skin crawl just saying his name. It made bile rise in his throat, his chest tighten unexpectedly, and the want of revenge still threatening to take control. He holds Akira's hand tight, before he moves his other to brush away another tear. ]

He won't hate you forever. You two are close, aren't you? I'm sure you will find a way to talk again.

[ He takes a deep breath, running his fingers along his hand. He wasn't good at this whole advice thing, the whole being there for someone he cared about -- it was foreign, and he hoped it would eventually become commonplace. He shifted to move closer, daring to invade Akira's space just a little bit more. ]

You're welcome. I will always be in your corner.

[Akira sighed at that, allowing Goro into him into his personal space. He didn't know if Yusuke wouldn't hate him forever. He hoped not, but wouldn't necessarily blame him if he did. He can acknowledge that what he said was a little fucked up. It wasn't very like him.

But he was calmed down now, just a bit, and he leaned forward to press his forehead to Goro's. This was so strangely nice, strangely comforting.]

And I'll be in yours.

Maybe... we can talk to Futaba soon. Not tonight though. I want to spend tonight with you.

[He leaned forward again then, pressing a kiss to Goro's lips. They had decided not to be 'romantic', but Akira still felt comfortable doing this. It made him feel a little grounded, stilled his nerves.]

We can talk to her tomorrow -- or when you're ready.

[ Not romantic, but he was soft. Akira vulnerable under his lips as he finds that he just simply wants. He longs for this, more and more each day. It keeps him awake at night when he is too tired to sleep and his mind drifts to his thief.

His silly, darling thief who is stealing his heart -- what a pain.

But he returns the kiss, his fingers moving to cup his cheeks as his eyes close. He would take care of him tonight, let him rest, do what he wants until it's time to move forward -- then he'd be his support as they worked as a team to take down Constellation.

He hoped his heart would last. ]

[Akira gave a small appreciative sound as he continued kissing at Goro's lips, not deepening it, just keeping it... somewhat chaste, compared to what he had done before. Instead, this was just to help him stop shaking, his fingers squeezing Goro's as his breathing steadied.

He had said he'd steal his heart, but that's not what he was doing here.

Akira drew back after a moment, sighing and setting down his own coffee cup. He was feeling a little queasy, his stomach flip flopping for so many reasons. He was afraid for Yusuke, afraid that he'd ruined what he had with him, and confused as hell about his complicated feelings for Goro.]

Yeah. Soon, I think. Maybe tomorrow, I'll have to see how I feel then, but I don't want to wait too long...

Mmmh, you think I could uh. Uhm, lay my head on your lap???

[Boy that's weird to ask, but whatever. Too late to take it back now.]

Take your time. If you need me too I can speak with her myself.

[ A smile cracks across his face, chuckling low at the question. How absurd, but he was willing to indulge him. ]

You may.

[ He adjusts some, giving him plenty of room to lay down.]

[Really, Akira was just tired. He could use a nap, but instead he was going to just try to relax.]

Thanks, Goro. [He pressed another peck to his lips before he adjusted himself as well, kicking his shoes off and then moving to settle his head in Goro's lap.]

I can talk to her alright, I'm just tired right now. Stressed out.

[He curled up a little on Goro's bed, a hand going to rest itself on his leg as he used his lap as a pillow. This was nice. Nice enough to at least let some of the tension out of his shoulders, even as Akira debated internally whether or not he should apologize to Yusuke first.

Still, the way he'd reacted last time to his apologizing really made Akira not want to. Even if an apology was warranted.]

Then take a break for tonight. Perhaps we could try for sleep.

[ He runs his fingers through his hair slowly once he's in his lap. It was a surprise, at first, to feel how soft it was. How long had he wanted to touch his hair? It dawned on him that perhaps he had longed for it since they met.

It eased his mind, and he hoped it would help Akira relax. Gently his fingers moved through, trying his best not to catch on tangles. The point was to relax, not to be in pain.

It was torture not to tug. ]

Why do you put the world on your shoulders, Akira? You're not Atlas.

[Perhaps another time it would be more appropriate. Or maybe now was a good time too. There were numerous ways to relieve stress, but Akira wasn't suggesting anything right now aside from this. It was working, after all. The feeling of fingers raking through his hair allowed some more tension to melt away from him.]

Sleep might be good. [But better than coffee...? Debatable.]

I just can't stand by and do nothing if I have the ability to do otherwise. Even then... I couldn't stand by helplessly, even if I couldn't do anything. That's all.

[He wasn't so much self-sacrificing as he was adamantly refusing to allow things to go unnoticed and un-tended to. Injustice could not be allowed to flourish, and he'd be damned before he allowed other people to fight while he stood by.]

Sleep might be for the best.

[ He continues to run his fingers through Akira's hair, eyes closing in thought. He remembered the day he first arrived, talking to Futaba on the network, making himself known through one simple comment- and it's been a whirlwind ever since. Goro would have been the better choice for Constellation.

As resilient as Yusuke is, he would die before he succeeded in his mission.

Wasn't that what happened to him though? He died before his revenge ever saw fruition. He would leave this world without knowing if the Phantom Thieves completed his last request (despite Akira saying they accomplished it). He wasn't even certain of his death, and it made him uneasy.

But he felt at ease, on his bed, Akira in his lap as he calmly runs his fingers through his hair. ]

Advancement cannot occur without both thesis and antithesis... do you remember that conversation?

[ How could he forget? He missed the days when he found Akira on the train platform. ]

[Goro was right. Akira was exhausted. Every bone in his body called out for the oblivion of sleep. His mind was not having it though, racing a little as he tried to think out every scenario, every little thing that he could think of.

He wanted so badly to free Yusuke. If only it had been himself in Constellation rather than Yusuke. Emotionally tumultuous, brash, and pig-headed Yusuke. Akira would not have minded it if he dropped out himself and had them on his own tail, but he couldn't ask Yusuke to put himself at risk like that.

So complicated.

He closed his eyes as well, sucking in slow and steady breaths, holding them for a moment before letting them go.]

Of course I remember, Goro. Are you saying I should compromise my imperative to help everyone with the idea that I don't need to help anyone?

[He laughed a little at that. How very like him. But Akira felt... better when he helped. No matter who it was.]

I suppose I could at least take a break. Sometime. I don't know when.

Just remembering what seems like a simpler time.

[ He smiles down at him. ]

What I am saying is that you should take a break right now and sleep. You cannot get anything done today and we have no plan. Why don't we find something to change into and try for sleep.

[ He tangles his fingers in his hair, humming slightly. ]

You can share my bed. I hope you don't mind Justine, she likes to sleep by my head.

Goro... I treasure every one of those conversations we'd had.

[Of course he would remember. Despite everything, Akira felt as though he met the real Goro through them.] You remember that time you took the 'special takoyaki' at the school festival? [Akira actually laughed, rolling over to lay on his back so he could look up at Goro. He was really beautiful from this angle. He could see why he had such rabid fangirls back home. So unfair.]

I'd hate to see how you'd fare after some of my fire curry~

[NAH, THAT'D BE HILARIOUS.]

Yeah, okay. Sleep is probably the best plan. And you should know how I feel about cats sleeping on the bed by now. Or maybe you didn't know how Morgana shared my futon with me...

Do you? I always wondered if I was bothering you at inopportune times. Especially at Lablanc.

[ He can't help but laugh, covering his mouth to try and stifle it. ] Yes! I was not expecting to be...well overwhelmed by something so spicy. I didn't eat takoyaki for a month after that. [ Even avoided it the last time he went out with Sae.

There's a slight flash of sorrow, but it passes quickly. Sae was always out of his league. Why did he even try? ]

You wouldn't dare! I refuse to eat anything you make me now.

[ He teases, ruffling his hair to mess it up. ]

Did he? [A pause] Do you miss him?

Anything?!

[Akira huffed at that, just about the same time that his hair was ruffled, but THE JOKE IS ON GORO, his hair is 100% always a mess and can't really get much worse. He slowly rolled over so he wouldn't knock his face into Goro's as he finally sat up. He hadn't brought any clothing though, so he'd either have to wear Goro's clothing to bed or just wear his own boxers.

Either way, he brushed his hair a bit with his fingers so that it wasn't in his face before just going ahead with pulling his shirt off.]

Oh, no. Sometimes I was almost late to school because of chatting with you, but it wasn't really a bother. I was almost late most days. I kinda meander when I walk!

[He pulled his shirt back right-side-out, folding it up and setting it down with his shoes, which he gathered up and set next to the window.]

...I do miss him. I've thought about getting a cat, but it just isn't the same. I can't take normal cats everywhere I go, and I just don't have time to take care of one at home.

[Akira had a full time job, like an adult. And he was going to go to school as soon as it started up again.]

Anything!

[ He can't help but laugh at the absurdity of it all -- having such a lighthearted conversation after what happened. He watches while he sits up, having the decency to look away (not too much decency however because he has to peek when he removes his shirt). ]

Really? I should have known. I never meant to keep you from your studies. Those are important you know.

[ He ends up following his lead in the end, stripping himself of his button down shirt. ]

Would you like something to wear?

[Akira clicked his tongue, frowning.]

And here I wanted to try baking you something... [He sighs, mostly teasing. If he didn't like spicy, then who knows? Akira could find something he liked, he was sure. Might be a few kitchen mishaps first, but he was seventeen, give him a break!]

Not to worry. My studies are kept up on, and I intend to keep... keeping up.

I think something to wear is probably a good idea. [Not that he minds being shirtless. He shoots Goro an impish smirk when he catches him peeking. So shameless. He was used to being dressed down in front of other guys, since he DID sometimes go to the public bath in Yongen-Jaya]

Well, I might be able to make an exception.

[ He moves to his dresser, digging out a couple of shirts and a few pairs of lounge pants. It doesn't help that Akira is attractive, that he was interested in him, or that he was standing in his room with only his shirt -- so long division in his head to keep from blushing.

Was it working? He doesn't want to ask, despite knowing the contrary as the blush creeps into his cheeks. ]

Here. It's the least I can do. I hope it won't be too hot. [ a lie. Just sleep mostly naked it's fine. ]

Why don't we sleep in tomorrow?

I'll have to make sure to make any exception worth your while, then.

[Goro was lucky that Akira was at least attempting to keep things platonic between them(you know, as platonic as straight up making out could be), otherwise he'd definitely tease him some more for the blush that he caught on to.]

I'm sure it'll be fine. [He scooped up a shirt and some pants, also not mentioning how cute it was when people you were interested in wore your clothing. He was sure Goro could figure that out himself.

He put on the shirt first before just casually changing his pants right there. He was wearing underwear anyway, and wasn't about to go to the bathroom just to change.]

Thanks again. This is probably super weird... [For Goro for sure, but it was probably weird in general. Akira never did this kind of thing before, after all. But who knows? Other teens might do it all the time!]

It is but... I am certain I can get used to it in time.

[ His heart skipped a beat. Could he get used to it? Akira in his clothing, being sweet, spending the night -- was that a strange thing to get used to? It was going to torment him the more he thought about it. Idly he removed his clothing, pulling on his pajamas lost in thought.

He looks over to Akira once he's dressed, however, with a smile on his face. He was thankful to share this with him even if it was a little weird. He moves to take a seat on the bed, sliding in before he motions for Akira.]

Come to bed. We can figure things out in the morning but you need to get some sleep.

[Akira didn't bother hiding the fact that he was kind of watching Goro get dressed idly. Like he wasn't sizing him up or anything, but he wasn't averting his eyes either.

This was super weird for sure. Almost... domestic? Just what the hell were they doing? Akira didn't know, but he wasn't fighting it. It just felt natural, but maybe that was because he adapted quickly.

Either way, he sighed a little, just going to turn the lights off before climbing into bed. Into Goro Akechi's bed. With him. Just to sleep.]

You know, I haven't really had anyone here telling me to get to bed, hah.

[One more little joke at the expense of his own heart. Lord, he missed Morgana. Justine would be a welcome weight on the bed. Oh. Wait a sec, he hadn't ragged on him about that yet.]

...Caroline and Justine, by the way? Seriously?

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